Rat Funnies

The Best of the Rat's Digest Mail

From the Archives of the egroup's (now defunct) Ratlist

Rats in Your Beverages

Well once Russell had his way with my tea, I did almost drink the rest of it. Then I cam eto my senses. It was probably only because the cup was so full :-)

My goodness! If I was so concerned about rat contamination of my food and beverages I'd starve to death. Nimbus literally stands ON my dinner plate, nibbling whatever takes his fancy. While StattyRat surreptitiously steals anything he can get his paws on off the side of the plate. And, if I don't lean my tall glass of juice over so that they can have a lick or two, they'll tip the whole thing all over the table in their desperate attempt to taste it. Of course, if dinner is anything particularly good and I insist on guarding it from marauding rodents, Nim will resort to Plan B and remove his share forcefully from my mouth instead.

Feel free to drop in for dinner at our house anytime! :)

Robyn
Nimbus, Stat!, Bramble and Ramekin RIP Fudge, Dapper

Rats in the Movies

I clicked on the TV and a movie about Harry S Truman was on one of my six HBO channels. I tuned it in about the time he'd reluctantly gotten into the White House. His wife and daughter were surprising him in the Oval Office with a birthday cake, complete with candles. As he was preparing to blow them out, his daughter (Margaret?) spotted a rat running across the floor and she cried out, "Oh My God! A Republican!"

Fun With Typos

This morning I went to the pet shop to buy supplies for our rats. As usual, I went and said hello to the rats for sale. Now usually, not only am I able to keep it to saying hello (never touching them even; just looking), but I also give my husband incredible feces when he sees one he wants to take home, since we have so many rats as it is.

Toxic Rat Urine?

If rat urine is toxic, then I am dead. My doctor told me that I have nothing to fear from my rats. A human bite is much worse and a lot more dangerous.

Here's my take on it: for ANYONE with rats, especially those with free range little ones, there is probably a 100% chance that there is rat urine on something you have put in your mouth. It's disgusting, but probably true (you're eating ice cream, give them some, they hold the spoon with their grimy little hands, you finish your ice cream with the same spoon). With only 2 running around, I'm pretty sure they've managed to make their mark on something I've eaten....and I'm still alive. :)

Rat's Property Laws

1) If I like it, it's mine.
2) If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3) If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4) If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5) If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6) If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7) If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
8) If I think it's mine, it's mine.
9) If it's yours and I steal it, it's mine.
10) If it's broken, it's yours
11) If I ...

Whoops, Sorry - I goofed. Instead of reading the Rat's Property Laws, I've been reading Microsoft's Current Business Plan.

Climbing Rope Toy

Genius Rat

Last night started out as usual. Before going to bed I took a rat head-count, gave everyone a late-night snack as a bribe to behave, locked up the cage (my boys have an open cage when I'm around, but for their safety and my sanity, they have no way to reach the floor), turned off all the lights and the TV, then tripped down the hallway in the dark to the bedroom (there's a lot of clutter in the hallway).

Then last night around 1:30, I was awakened by the sound of the television in the living room. I thought to myself, "Oh, geez! I forgot to turn off the TV! And boy did I have it on LOUD - must have been because the air conditioner was running." So I stumbled back down the hallway to the living room, grabbed the remote off of the arm of the couch, turned off the TV, and hobbled back down the hallway to bed.

This morning my SO, Dick, asked how I slept. I told him about my late night adventure and asked him how we could have forgotten to turn off the TV. "We didn't," he said. "Daniel (my black Berkshire) turned it on." (Insert sound byte: South Park - Kyle's mom "Wh wh what?") "Yeah. I found him this morning on his way back to the cage. He was on top of the box just about to get back to home base. I was wondering how he turned on the closed captioning without the TV being on."

Apparently, I didn't latch the door properly and our little "Colonel Hogan" managed to escape from Stalag 13 by stretching from the plastic splatter guard at the base of the cage onto a box. Then, through some elaborate climbing, he got to the floor. The little stinker then climbed onto the couch and turned on the TV. (I guess pets do resemble their owners.) He also figured out how to turn up the volume and turn on the closed captioning.

From this evidence we have deduced that:

1. Daniel has a severe hearing problem. (He turned up the volume and still couldn't hear, so he turned on the closed captioning.)
2. Daniel is a genius. (He has obviously taught himself how to read - otherwise why would he turn on the closed captioning?)
3. Daniel has a sense of humor. (He turned on Comedy Central). We're just waiting to see if I really forgot to lock the door or if he's been bluffing us all this time and really knows how to escape at will. I mean, the boy taught himself how to read. What else might he be capable of?

Lorie A.K.A. Colonel Klink (Or am I Schultz?)
Jack Labatt (I'll stay right here where there's treats and water.)
Daniel Guinness (Drat! They're on to me!)
Bailey Dutchman (Please take me with you!)

Fun with Wheels

Okay, now I've seen everything. When I first watched the boys playing with the wheel in their cage, I was amused. They don't run in it, but sit next to it, and spin it as if it's the Wheel of Fortune, or the Showcase Showdown wheel on Price is Right. However, the girls have topped that.

I have several baskets hanging from the top of their cage. One basket in particular is a favorite with the girls, and they would often pile all four of them into it. This basket is really only big enough for one rat to sleep in comfortably, and two to be in snuggled very close. How all four got into it I have no idea. However, it's not designed to handle the weight of four rats either, and eventually the handles broke and the basket came tumbling down. I have replaced it by hanging it with metal shower curtain hooks. Unfortunately, I've only got 2 curtain hooks, but four corners on the basket. I put the hooks kitty-corner from each other. Just now I watched Celt climb into the basket. Once she was in and steady she started rocking the basket back and forth. She was using it as a swing. The basket was steady to begin with, then she started making it swing. Now, that's a clever rat!!!